Feeling lost, loosing motivation, questioning everything.
Why do I see myself on my brother so much? Nakakatawang isipin na polar opposites ang ugali naming dalawa. Yung tipong aso’t pusa dahil halos magpatayan na kami kapag nag-aaway. Pero, sa kabila noon, nakakatawa talagang makita ang unti-unting pagbabago ng aking pananaw because we maybe more alike than I think.
I hate to admit this but sometimes I do hate myself. I hate being a coward, easily discouraged, and not having the confidence to fight against my demons. Kaya naman nang makausap ko ang aking kapatid, I can’t help but feel saddened and afraid for the outcome that his inner feelings or concerns. I cried knowing that he is
facing the same concerns and insecurities that I had. I felt for him so much and it was killing me but something kept telling me that I can’t show it in front of him. I guess it has to do about maintaining my strong facade or… you guess it.. haha! P-R-I-D-E. But, whatever it was, I just didn’t want to break down. I have a lot of stories to tell that I’ve been keeping a secret from almost everyone except my mom. I broke down so much in front of her that doing the same thing in front of my brother was something I didn’t want or perhaps can’t do. I wish there was something I can do to inspire him. But unfortunately, I can’t. I can’t for I am still struggling myself and is searching for answers. I might be older and wiser on some areas but not entirely in life. I wish I could take away his pain because honestly it just becomes way harder when you reach the point of questioning everything. I have been there and yet still doing that. I have learned some of the lessons the hard way and my prayer is that he won’t go through the same things I did. So if ever he’ll read this, I just want to let him know the following:
facing the same concerns and insecurities that I had. I felt for him so much and it was killing me but something kept telling me that I can’t show it in front of him. I guess it has to do about maintaining my strong facade or… you guess it.. haha! P-R-I-D-E. But, whatever it was, I just didn’t want to break down. I have a lot of stories to tell that I’ve been keeping a secret from almost everyone except my mom. I broke down so much in front of her that doing the same thing in front of my brother was something I didn’t want or perhaps can’t do. I wish there was something I can do to inspire him. But unfortunately, I can’t. I can’t for I am still struggling myself and is searching for answers. I might be older and wiser on some areas but not entirely in life. I wish I could take away his pain because honestly it just becomes way harder when you reach the point of questioning everything. I have been there and yet still doing that. I have learned some of the lessons the hard way and my prayer is that he won’t go through the same things I did. So if ever he’ll read this, I just want to let him know the following:
Ading,
Hello! Hahahaha! Ang awkward ng ganito kasi feeling ko close naman tayo na parang hindi kasi nga lagi tayong nag-aaway. Anyway, congrats for finding this site/ letter. Sana kapag nabasa mo ito, parehas na tayong successful sa buhay at naabot na natin ang ating pangarap. I know how good of a person you are and I believe mararating mo lahat ng gusto mo. I want to let you know how much I trust and believe in you. Mahal na mahal kita. I’m sorry for my short comings as an ate to you. Hang in there, kapatid. I know how hard everything is to you. Basta kailangan lang nating magtiwala kay God at sa sarili nyang timing. Always remember to be responsible in everything that you commit yourself into. Yun lang naman. Hahahaha! You’re an amazing person so continue as you are. God bless!
Being an "ate" has unknowingly put a lot of pressure on me. Maybe it was because of my family, the people around me or even myself, It honestly sucks. But you know what they say. You just gotta do what you gotta do and be who you want to be. I really, really wish it would be that easy. I am just 21 and yet I feel like I've been dealing with "quarter life crisis" for the longest time. Sigh... it sounds like it truly sucks to be me. Pero ano nga bang magagawa ko? Ito yung binigay na pag-iisip sa akin. I can't stop my thoughts and wondering what life will bring. I guess I'll just keep on praying that someday I'll have my life properly managed. And wait! Another important thing pa pala in life is TRUST. Big word, yes. But we really have to trust in the Lord and keep the faith. Sana lang talaga people will understand that each of us are different hence, having different pacing in life. Kanya-kanya naman kasi talaga ng timing eh. Society kasi minsan masyadong judgemental. Hindi naman sa nilalahat pero ALWAYS be open-minded and BE a good listener, Lahat naman kasi tayo may sariling kwento sa likod ng mga desisyon at nangyari, It won't hurt you to be a better person than yesterday.
Yun lang naman. Peace!
Yun lang naman. Peace!
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